Things I hate

Writing about things I like is too easy. I could talk at length about how I love coffee and drink it everyday, and how I like to sit on my porch while reading the newspaper, but it doesn't make me any more unique. I'm more of a hater. I despise everything I find fake, pretentious, or just annoying. I probably even hate you.

Things I hate:

• People who say, "It's all good in the 'hood." Someone said this on the bus last week and I would have shot him. If only I had a gun.
• Anyone who could "taste the fat" in their latte. Fuck you.
• Public transportation guy. He's the city dweller that loves to go on and on about all the best bus routes and what time they arrive. Jesus, is life really this sad?
• Man bags. My brother started me on this and I noticed one yesterday. Get a briefcase.
• Cinephiles. If you don't sometimes watch Patrick Swaze movies because you're above them, I hate you.
• People that swear they don't have a TV and yet have mysteriously seen all the episodes of Flight of the Conchords and other "hip" shows.
• On guys: vertical-striped club shirts with the sleeves uncuffed; tight, straight-legged jeans; androgynous hair; and faux hawks.
• On girls: those new, hip Castro hats; tiny dogs as an accessory; obviously fake tans; long nails; and mom jeans, (which are supposedly "in", but WHY?).
• Anyone who thinks they are a character from Sex and the City. If you say something like, "I'm a Carrie" I might kill you.
• Men who think that because they own a pit bull, they are street, or that having a mean dog makes you more of a man. Just get a fast car like everyone else.
• People that name their pet using "obscure" film or art references. I once met a cat named "Georgia O'Keeffe." Lame.
• Rich kids. Sorry rich kids out there, but I secretly loathe and envy you at the same time. Make it up to me. Do some charity work or something. If you are waiting for a trust fund, don't come around here. Period.
• People that actually like Cupcake Royale. Ummm... news flash the cupcakes should be moist, not dry and crumbly. You obviously fell victim to the lure of their cool sign and pink color scheme.

I've been waiting forever to get that off my chest. In my next blog, I'll try to stop the bitterness and be more open and positive. Promise.